When I was first diagnosed back in May, Saul and I did everything we could to keep busy. The busier you are, the less time you have to think. It worked pretty well, but I remember every once in a while it would catch up with me. I would be on a fun family adventure when all of a sudden I would think, “Oh my gosh. I have cancer.” My heart would stop for a few moments until I could consciously re-enter the present activity. Well, it happened again.
I was feeling quite normal yesterday. I was spending a fun day with a friend and we decided to take the kids to Jimmy Johns. Once everyone was settled at the table, I got up to refill my drink. For some reason, I looked down. In that instant I thought, “Oh my gosh! My breast is missing!”
It’s pretty evident when I wear a t-shirt that something drastic has happened. One side is a DD and the other is an A-. I’m not ever embarrassed since my family has gotten used to seeing me like this, and I wasn’t embarrassed this time either. If you don’t know Jimmy Johns, they’re FREAKY FAST, so there weren’t even a ton of people in the restaurant to cause embarrassment. It just that I felt so normal and was doing normal activities that I had forgotten… things aren’t so normal right now.
I took a deep breath and went back to the table. After all, who gets to decide what “normal” means anyway?