“God is kind, but he’s not soft. In kindness he takes us firmly by the hand and leads us into a radical life-change.” Romans 2:4 (MSG)
Seven years ago I stood on the edge of a major decision. I knew if I kept going the way I was going, making the decisions I was making, I would never be the mom I wanted to be. I would never be the wife I wanted to be. I would never be the woman I wanted to be.
I was taking the boatload of blessings I had been given and flushing them down the toilet. And I knew it.
I was focused on the negative in life. I was looking around and seeing the way the world attained happiness and thought that was my avenue too.
Sex sells. Partying is the pathway to popularity. If you don’t have anything nice to say, at least make what you’re saying interesting.
Yet as I inched closer to what the world was trying to offer, I felt farther away from what I knew I was created to be.
So, I prayed. I prayed to a God I barely even knew.
I took every bit of my brokenness and laid it at the feet of my Savior. I said, This is it. This is all of it. Every last bit of the hot mess that is me. Think you can put it all back together again? I sure hope so. I want to be your vessel God, but I can’t seem to get out of my own way.
And you know what God did? He took my hand, gently but firmly.
God took my hand and led me down a path heading in a whole new direction.
When God told me to stop drinking, I argued. I couldn’t fathom the thought of never having a rum and coke with my husband again.
One by one, I brought my concerns to God.
What if we go to Mexico? It can’t possibly be fun without an all-inclusive drink pass. What if I get really super stressed and need a cigarette? How will I get over that craving? What will I say to my friends if I stop gossiping? I’ll have nothing to contribute.
(On a side note, Saul and I have not been back to Mexico and we have not missed the all-inclusive drink specials one bit. Stress still comes but the cigarette cravings are long gone. And my friends seem to appreciate the fact that I don’t talk about other people because they know I also won’t talk about them.)
God knew how much change I could chew at one time. As long as I was faithful about holding His hand, He was faithful about giving me only what I could handle.
Friend, if you’re scared of coming too close to God because you’re afraid that He’ll ask for more than you can give, I understand. Me too.
But I assure you, He loves you more than you love yourself. Any change He asks will be for the better. And you will never regret taking His hand.