Hope. Someone here needs hope. So … here we go.
Ten years ago today I drank my last rum & coke. Ten years ago tomorrow I woke up sicker than a dog, feeling confused about what had happened the night before, but certain I had angered a whole lot of people. I was humiliated by my actions, but even more humiliated that I couldn’t remember what those actions were.
July 5th, I laid on my side curled in a ball alone in my bed sobbing. I begged God to take it away. Take away the need to drink. Take away the pain I’m causing to my family. Take away these nightly blackouts and the chains that keep me coming back for more.
My problem was small potatoes on God’s to-do list. I’m sure he couldn’t even hear my cries above the children from foreign lands begging for food, shelter, and love. I was just an entitled housewife who had too much time on her hands. Why would God listen to me, much less help me? He had more important things to do.
But God did hear me. And beyond my wildest dreams, He spoke to me.
“Nic, I want to use you. But I can’t use you when I can’t trust you. And I can’t trust you when you’re drinking.”
It was an epiphany. My drinking was getting in the way of what God wanted to do in my life? Yes.
It wasn’t that He didn’t care about me, it was that I was showing Him I didn’t care about Him and His plans for me.
As hard as we might try, addiction isn’t something that can be overcome by just being a world-class athlete in self-restraint. It takes a higher power. Something to trust outside of ourselves. Something to cling to. Something to call out to. Or should I say, Someone to call out to?
For me, that Someone was a God who incorporated an all-knowing Father, a Son who would sacrifice His life for me, and a Holy Spirit who could be with me, inside me, fighting off my inner demons.
My life changed that day. The entire culture of our home changed that day. My marriage changed that day. My children got a healthy mom that day, which I have to believe allowed them to grow up on a foundation that continues to help them flourish.
Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? I get it. Is addiction to alcohol or pornography or gambling or shopping or gossip or anything else pulling you away from God’s best for your life?
Start here. Today.
God isn’t too busy for you. He hasn’t lost your number. He’s just waiting for you to stop sending His calls to voicemail.
If you’re not sure what that looks like, try this:
Hey God. You know me, but I’m not sure I know you. But I’d like to. Would you teach me your ways? Would you show me what makes your Son, Jesus, special? Would you allow the Holy Spirit to live in me and give me the power to do what I cannot do on my own? I’m so sorry for what I’ve done and how I’ve lived. I want to step into all the great plans you have for my life. Thank you for waiting for me. I’m ready now. Amen.
*** This lady really helped me get to know Jesus. If you’re interested, check out the free resources from Joyce Meyer.
