Jordan, my 15 year old daughter, is learning to drive, so I had her give me a tour of all the hidden neighborhoods in Aberdeen this weekend. She’s a runner, so she has seen way more of this town than I have.
The grass is always greener in other people’s yards, so while we have only been living in our home for two months, I’m secretly wondering if we picked the right house.
When we arrived back on our street, I said, “I really do like our neighborhood. This feels right.”
Jordan sighed and said, “I told you that, Mom.” To which I responded, “Sometimes we have to figure things out for ourselves.”
I’m a tough cookie. When I get stuck in a thought pattern, I’m like a mule. I will sit there until I’m good and ready to move.
I’ve been having a lot of conversations with God about surrendering. I feel like he’s asking me to surrender something, but I’m not sure what.
I think of surrendering as giving something up. I imagine myself in a defeated puddle on the floor saying, “Okay. I surrender. You win.”
I began to ask myself if there is an area of my life that I’m being like a mule. Is there a spot I refuse to give up? Does it have to do with my free time? The shows I watch on TV? Our finances?
After a few days of thinking about it, I came to a conclusion. I realized God wants me to surrender my future.
I bet he wants you to surrender yours too.
Nearly a decade ago, I surrendered my past. I realized that everything that had happened, good or bad, was for a purpose. It shaped me and allowed me to relate to other people in a unique way. When I surrendered my past, I found gratitude.
Shortly after that, I surrendered my present. I continue to wake up each morning and ask God to let me be his vessel. I want him to put people in front of me that need to be seen, even if that disrupts my perfectly planned day, because when I surrender my present, I find joy.
Now, he’s asking me to surrender my future. This is fascinating to me, because only God could know that I hold a secret fear of the future. I’m not afraid of the typical things like what will happen if my husband loses his job (we’ve weathered that storm) or what will happen if I get cancer (been there, done that). I hold a secret fear of success. What will happen if I write a book and people read it and really like it? What would that mean for my kids and my husband? Would they be willing to share their mom with the world a little more than they do now? Or would that completely disturb the beautiful thing we currently have? And am I full of ego-driven pride for thinking this could even happen?
When God unearthed these thoughts that I didn’t consciously know I was having, I felt a shift. I realized I needed to stop being a mule and start being a sheep, following my perfect Shepherd, knowing he will never lead me astray.
When I surrendered my past, I found gratitude.
When I surrendered my present, I found joy.
When I surrendered my future, I found peace.
What do you need to surrender today? An old grudge? A perfectly timed out calendar? Or something you fear for the future?
Gratitude, joy and peace are waiting for you. As soon as you surrender.
