I feel like someone is going to call me soon say, “Just kidding!” But I suppose not. I’m having a hard time REALLY letting this whole cancer thing sink in. I don’t feel sick. I don’t look sick. I like be hanging out, doing my life, feeling really peaceful and joyful and then all of a sudden my mind will say, “You have CANCER.” and my heart will skip a tiny beat, my breathe will hitch and I’ll think, “Oh my gosh. I have cancer.”
All of a sudden, every single word I say to my children is important. Every silly little conversation needs to be a reminder or a lesson that I love them and Jesus loves them and we need to trust Him. I want to fill them so full of love that if/when I get too tired or sick to tell them, they will KNOW. They will have a tank of love in reserve. The problem is, I still have to discipline them and tell them they can’t say inappropriate words and that they have to clean their rooms and put their dishes in the dishwasher. The world of Mom in Charge and the world of Mom with Cancer are colliding and I’m struggling to find a practical middle ground. That’s when I have to remind myself that kindness is always the right answer… for all of us.