I head to The James Cancer Center tomorrow. I really don’t know what to expect. I suspect the doctors will do more tests and then I’ll be sent home to love up on my family while we wait for results. There is a part of me that wonders if maybe they will do the biopsy and find out there is nothing wrong with me– that all this hoopla was for nothing. If that ends up being the case, I will know that 1) God sure does pull us in close when we’re facing trials and 2) my friends love me fiercely.
I have to share an email I got his afternoon from my friend, Teresa. She played hooky from work for a bit to go to lunch with me today. We had a great time talking about our husbands (it’s her anniversary) and how good God has been to both of us throughout the years. As much as I hated to hear she was hurting for me, it was touching to know she was feeling all of those things… just for me. Here’s Teresa’s heart:
Ok. So lunch was wonderful and I enjoyed it more than I can say. BUT, now I am a mess. This entire day I have been a mess. I did not let you see me a mess. I was strong and funny and calm for you but now I am again a MESS! I can not concentrate on one single thing today. I have NO desire to work and do ANYTHING productive. I have not done anything today correctly. I don’t care about ANYTHING today but you my friend. I want you to know the truth because I want you to know how much you are loved by me AND our group. I am sure all of the girls are a MESS! I can’t say how much I HATE that you are having to go through one single minute of this. I keep trying to tell you how well so many others are doing after they have been through this to keep you positive and I KNOW GOD will do the same for you but right now I HATE THIS FOR YOU and I want you to be spared from this ridiculous, terrible thing called cancer. My heart is broken for you and yours that this word is even being spoken at your house. I trust God with ALL my broken heart right now for your good, but still I AM A MESS and will be so glad for you to have tomorrow over with and any other days that you have to deal with this.
So right now, right this very minute I am being so very very real. Right now this very minute I am being so very very mad at CANCER! Right now this very minute I want you to know that HE is strong but I AM SO weak. Right now this very minute I want you to know that you can take a break and let me and your girls be REAL, MAD and WEAK!!! Right now this very minute I want you to know that we are TRUSTING GOD to keep this a quick, easy and simply fixable problem! But right now we are a MESS for you so you don’t have to be. WE ARE YOUR MESS! Your special, crazy, silly, funny, loving MESS!
We will be a MESS tomorrow so you can relax with those doctors and Saul. We’ve got this. Your Mess has your back. We are not afraid, we are just A MESS!
Just had to let this out and I know you well enough to know that you GET it……….
Love you bunches, Teresa