She’s 18. I can’t believe she’s 18. It’s like reading a book that has a Part 1 and a Part 2. We are reading the last chapter of Part 1 and are wondering what plot twists and new characters Part 2 will reveal.

I cried when I found out I was pregnant with a girl. Saul and I had tried to have a baby for more than a year. I was feeling desperate. I can’t even imagine the heaviness you may have had to carry waiting for your own baby. Or the struggle of making peace with God when you realized it would never happen the way you wanted it to. We only had to wait a year. At the time it felt like a lifetime. How long did you have to wait?

The tears that came when I saw the ultrasound should have been tears of joy. Instead of gratitude, they came from a place of fear. I wasn’t afraid of raising a child. I was afraid of raising a girl.

What if she was like me? Dear Lord, let her not be like me. My teenage years are painted in my memory by a girl who was emotional, argumentative, and sneaky … but I suppose she was also mostly kind. Okay Lord, let her be a little like me. Just the kind part, please.

Jordan is the gift I could never have pictured for myself. Like writing a Christmas wish list and then getting something so much better than you hoped for. God is good like that. He delights in giving infinitely more than we could ever ask or imagine.

If today is a day full of fear or waiting or uncertainty, take it to Our Father. Cry or yell or plead. He can handle it all. I know, I’ve wrestled with Him frequently. At the end of each match, I am reminded that I cannot see the future. Only God knows what’s next and what tools we will need to handle it.

And the pure joy that awaits when your Part 1 comes to a close and Part 2 is ready to begin.

Happy Birthday Jordan. Momma and Jesus love you.