Note 1: I had a dream last night that I was at a party for people who had just been diagnosed with cancer. I awoke suddenly, and the first thought that came to my mind was, “Oh my gosh! Cancer! That would be AWFUL!!!”
Then I tried to roll over and realized my body was propped up into place with pillows under and around me to try to keep the pain at bay — from my breast cancer surgery.
I honestly giggled to myself and went back to sleep. Apparently the idea of dealing with our worst fears is not as bad as the reality of those fears.
Note 2: I was full of energy yesterday morning, so after my friend, Ann, tended to all of my medical needs (see Note 3), I talked her into taking me to get my hair washed & styled and my nails done. Oh– and Walmart! For some unknown reason, I thought it was imperative to walk around Walmart. Not smart. I tanked right in the middle of the rinse cycle and spent the rest of the day in a painful trance in my bed. Today I will sit very still.
Note 3: Get this… my friends, Ann and Teresa, take turns coming over to help me with my morning and evening rituals. Every morning and night I need the drains coming out of the side of my body cleaned out and the tiny “tanks” that hold the fluid measured and dumped. I think it’s some sort of indicator on how fast I’m getting better. This should last about two weeks. They also have to remove the surgical bra and look at the construction site (the spot where my left breast used to be) to make sure there is no infection. Apparently it’s very black and blue and purple and red, but I wouldn’t know because I close my eyes during that part. I still can’t look at it. Then, one of my sweet, brave friends helps me shower, clean the parts I can’t reach, and get dressed. By that point, I’m usually so exhausted that they tuck me right back into bed. Now that’s kindness…