I’ve heard that one of the side-effects of chemotherapy is a fogginess of thought called, “Chemo Brain” and that one of the major side effects of radiation is extreme fatigue.
I’m not going through chemo or radiation right now, so can someone please tell me why I’m experiencing the side effects?
Just the other day, a girlfriend asked me a simple question: Do you want to have lunch at Restaurant A or Restaurant B? I stared at the text message on my phone. I couldn’t decide.
The decision making part of my brain was stuck in neutral and it wasn’t until the little voice in my head started screaming, “Come on, Nic. JUST PICK ONE!!!” that I was finally able to make a random selection and move on.
Then yesterday, Jordan and I ran to Chipotle (yes, I’ve been eating out a lot lately) and I asked the cashier if I could please have a… a… um… I would like… thirsty?… Finally I squeaked out the word “Drink.” As in “May I please have a drink?” Wowzers… the ability to put words together is kind of an important attribute to a person who likes to write.
I ended up going home and taking a 90 minute nap, which helped immensely. For a while.
It’s almost like I’m postpartum. I was groggy and confused for about the first 3 years of my childrens’ lives. It feels a lot like that– only there is no infant.
Sometimes I let my thoughts start to fly away, and I begin to scare myself. I start to wonder if the cancer is spreading faster than we had predicted. Or if they will find it in places other than my breast.
And then I have to go back to what I know. I know what God told me. He told me I would walk this path to help other women. And He told me I would be victorious in this fight. So I reject all those thoughts that don’t line up with what God has told me. Some days it’s harder than others, so on those days I do more acts of kindness and try to zero in on gratitude.
Anywho, I just wanted to share all of that, so if YOU are walking around in a fog today, you know you are not alone.
Everybody’s got something and eventually, all our “somethings” will pass and we will move on to something else, right? But if you see me walking around downtown pointing at the Chipotle cup in your hand, I’m probably thirsty. Would you please just get me a drink? Thanks.