The enemy says you’re not good enough. The enemy says you’ve messed up beyond repair. The enemy says you should retreat, go back where it’s safe in the shadows.
I know the enemy’s tricks and yet I fall for them again and again. Do you? Do the lies become so loud they cloud out the Truth?
The Truth that says you are fearfully and wonderfully made. The Truth says God has big plans for you, plans to prosper you and give you hope and a future.
I know all of this. So why was I slumped over on my bathroom floor with tears streaming down my face wondering what to do next?
Here’s a little secret about me. I don’t freak out before I speak. I love public speaking and sharing messages of kindness. I freak out after I speak.
The entire 24 hours after a speaking engagement are a train wreck. My sleep is fitful as I toss and turn, waking up with thoughts of how horrible I must have been. Then the next day, even while standing on God’s Truth, I feel ashamed about each word I said and those words I forgot to say.
It’s ridiculous.
I know it’s ridiculous.
And yet, there I was on my bathroom floor having a total meltdown. Just before my husband’s departure for work and my complete meltdown, I stepped out of the shower and proclaimed, “I quit.” My sweet husband was completely caught off guard and therefore said, “Quit what?”
“I’m done speaking and writing. I can’t do it. I don’t have anything to say that feels valuable anymore.”
Saul slipped his shoe on and then stopped and looked at me. “I won’t let you do that. I don’t know what’s going on in your mind. If you’re too busy, back off a little, but I won’t let you quit. Your message is too important.”
As he drove to work, I sat on the cold tile and thought about his words. I won’t let you quit.
We all need someone to pull us up sometimes and remind us that the mean little voices in our head don’t get to win. They don’t get to dictate where we go, what we do and to whom we show kindness. They can nag, but we don’t need to listen.
I came to the conclusion that Saul was right. I wasn’t going to quit. My message is too important. I turned once again to the One who can see more than I and asked Him, “God, it seems like I’m just saying the same thing over and over again. What more can I share?”
Our God is such a nice God. In that moment, He gently whispered, “Ask them.”
So here I am, humbly asking you, my tribe, the people who actually read the words I write, What do you want me to share?
Is there a burden weighing heavy on your heart that perhaps I can project some love on? Is there a conflict or tension in your life that could use a second opinion? Are you just curious what it’s like to be married to such a good looking man who happens to be a college basketball coach?
I’m no expert, but I’m game. I’d love to join the conversations you’re already having– at work, with your friends, or even in your mind. I’d be honored if you’d invite me along. And maybe together we can remember that God’s Truth is more powerful than any of the enemy’s lies.
Please comment on Facebook or send me an email at info@nicolejphillips.com. I look forward to hearing from you!
