What does kindness look like when the person you love is healing from pain you can’t fix?

A note before you listen: this conversation includes references to childhood sexual abuse and trauma. Please take care of yourself as you listen.

EJ and Tarah Kerwin were two therapists already barely keeping up: twins conceived on their honeymoon, four kids under five, a new counseling business. Then a medically supervised ketamine session surfaced repressed memories of childhood sexual abuse Tarah had no idea existed, and overnight her nervous system went from calm to chaos. No diagnosis, no doctor's note, no roadmap. Just EJ, feeling like he got it wrong every day. They talk with Nicole about what he finally said out loud, why kindness here looks like curiosity instead of solutions, and what it takes to stay when you can't fix what's hurting the person you love.

In this episode:

What medically supervised ketamine therapy actually is, and what happened when Tarah's memories surfaced
Why anyone would choose to unearth pain their body spent decades hiding, and what freedom on the other side feels like
The difference between supporting a partner through something visible, like chemo, and something invisible
The two sentences EJ said out loud that shifted everything, including "whatever level of connection I have with you now, that's enough"
Why kindness in a healing season has to include boundaries and honesty about your own needs
How intimacy gets rebuilt without pressure, and why "you'll be fine in eight weeks" is not an answer
EJ's kindness story about a moment between Tarah and his son he had waited years to see
The tool they give every couple: daily check-ins and real curiosity about someone you think you know
Naming lost intimacy as shared grief instead of rejection, and why that reframe matters

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About EJ and Tarah Kerwin

EJ and Tarah Kerwin are the founders of Relationship Renovation and creators of the Relationship Renovation Model, as well as hosts of the Relationship Renovation Podcast. Tarah is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and EJ is a Licensed Professional Counselor, and together they run the Relationship Renovation Counseling Center in Tucson, Arizona. They blend raw honesty, humor, and decades of experience to help couples deepen intimacy and build emotional safety, drawing on attachment science and nervous system regulation. EJ also founded Men Who Do the Work, a group helping thousands of men show up more intentionally in their relationships. Their work includes a top 1% podcast, the Relationship Renovation @ Home manual, an online community, and private coaching.

Connect with EJ and Tarah