The Be Kind Blog

Think about the last time you were frustrated with someone. Did they actually know what you wanted? Dr. LauraLynn Jansen says most of the friction in our relationships comes from expectations we never said out loud. In this episode, she makes the case that clarity isn’t the opposite of kindness. It’s one of the most generous things we can offer other people, and ourselves.

EJ and Tarah Kerwin were two therapists already barely keeping up: twins conceived on their honeymoon, four kids under five, a new counseling business. Then a medically supervised ketamine session surfaced repressed memories of childhood sexual abuse Tarah had no idea existed, and overnight her nervous system went from calm to chaos. No diagnosis, no doctor’s note, no roadmap. Just EJ, feeling like he got it wrong every day. They talk with Nicole about what he finally said out loud, why kindness here looks like curiosity instead of solutions, and what it takes to stay when you can’t fix what’s hurting the person you love.

EJ and Tarah Kerwin were two therapists already barely keeping up: twins conceived on their honeymoon, four kids under five, a new counseling business. Then a medically supervised ketamine session surfaced repressed memories of childhood sexual abuse Tarah had no idea existed, and overnight her nervous system went from calm to chaos. No diagnosis, no doctor’s note, no roadmap. Just EJ, feeling like he got it wrong every day. They talk with Nicole about what he finally said out loud, why kindness here looks like curiosity instead of solutions, and what it takes to stay when you can’t fix what’s hurting the person you love.

Amanda Fornal was on a panel at SXSW when someone asked her a simple question: what gets you up in the morning? “To do good,” she said, and then she said the rest of it out loud. A few days earlier she had heard a venture capitalist argue that the smart money goes to sociopathic founders, not kind ones. It did not sit right with her logically or emotionally. So on that stage she said, “I’m kind, and I’m proud of it. If you don’t want to invest in kindness, that’s on you.”

On October 16, 2016, Mickey Z. started walking the streets of New York City with food, supplies, and gift cards to hand to homeless women. He noticed something first: homeless men will often walk right up and ask for a dollar, while women, already pushed to the margins, tend to sit quietly with a sign and wait. Those women became his teachers. They told him what they needed, what size to buy, what actually helped. Nearly ten years later, Cheerful Giver NYC has grown into a seven days a week mission serving anyone who asks, and Mickey has stopped calling it a project. He calls it a calling.