Apparently there is this thing in Southeastern Ohio where you leave an extremely large zucchini on someone’s porch or in their car.

I’m not sure if the vegetable is left because the mystery giver is a friend or foe. That’s still sort of unclear. It’s kind of like back in high school, when I was never quite certain if it was a compliment or an insult to have my front yard covered in toilet paper in the middle of the night.

Anyway, I was recently gifted with several of the largest zucchini I have ever seen. I say “gifted” because in this particular case, the giver asked if she could leave them on my porch. She knows I’m trying to eat healthier and apparently wanted me to have a steady supply of zucchini for the next 45-50 years.

After posting a picture of the monster zuke, I asked for suggestions on what to do with it.

From Michelle: Cut it up- sauté in olive oil, dice in some yellow and red peppers, add in basil, and some angel hair pasta- finish with sliced cherry tomatoes with 1/2 cup of feta crumbles!

From Liz: slice in half, remove seeds and stuff with garlic, herbs, mushrooms and any other veggies. Wrap in foil and bake.

From Ben: Zucchini pizza casserole! Shred it with your cheese grater. Press as much water out of it as you can. Mix with parmesan and mozzarella cheese, some bread crumbs and an egg. Press into the bottom of a 9×13 pan. Top with tomato sauce, more shredded cheese and pepperoni. Bake at 350 for 30-45 minutes or until zucchini crust is set.

From Angela: Grate it and salt it down in a colander. Sauté with butter, garlic . Mix with cooked spaghetti top with basil.

From the President of a Major University who should be much too busy to cook: Cut into thick slices, dip in eggs whites, then roll in panko or grated Parmesan…pan fry in olive oil. Salt and pepper to taste… Eat!

About 14 other people told me to make chocolate cake with it.

You know the recipe for the chocolate cake won, right? Chocolate cake always wins.

Because I’m leaning toward healthier options these days, I decided to make cupcakes because it provides better portion control.

Highly skeptical of any dessert that contains zucchini as a main element, I boldly plowed forward and laid out the ingredients.

I substituted almond flour for regular flour because I have pesky gluten allergy.

The first step nearly unglued me. “Beat eggs until frothy.” I dug a wire whisk from the bottom of the drawer and started beating. Eight hours later I was still going… I gave up when they looked like this and continued with the rest of the directions. What does “frothy” even mean?

Eventually, I got those bad boys into the oven. I set the timer and headed into my room, where I began sorting clothes. Then I decided to take a bath, followed by reading a book. 75 minutes later, I remembered the cupcakes. Luckily, my husband had heard the timer go off much earlier and pulled them out of the oven.

I’m not sure, but I don’t think they were supposed to look like this, sort of dented in the middle…

As you can see, I ate one out of the tray with a spoon. It was actually delicious. It was too soft and moist to come out of the tray in one piece, but it was still yummy.

I called in the boys and proudly offered them a bite of my creation.

They hated it.

Not like, “Sorry Mom, not my favorite.” More like, “Oh my gosh, what did you do to make them taste so terrible???”

Well, more for me, I guess. They are now in individual bags in the freezer waiting for me when I need a chocolate fix. Here is the recipe for “Healthier Chocolate Zucchini Cake” just in case you’re brave enough to try it.

There are LOTS of other things to do with super ginormous zucchinis. Here is the list I compiled from all of you. Thank you so much for helping a girl out! My favorite suggestion is the last one.

  • chips
  • bread
  • zoodle/noodles
  • lasagna
  • boats
  • stuff it
  • give it to Saul and let him figure it out
  • add it to sauces
  • add olive oil and seasoning and put it on the grill
  • grate it
  • shred it
  • cube it
  • use a julienner instead of a zoodler
  • slice into long wedges and grill with lemon zest & garlic
  • cut into circles and fry with potatoes & onions
  • ratatouille
  • double chocolate no flour muffins
  • bigger zukes are better for baking, smaller ones are better for cooking
  • orange zucchini bread cake
  • fritters
  • I would peel it, cut it open, scoop out the seeds. Then I would run it through the food processor and freeze it in one cup portions to use for cakes, muffins, breads etc.
  • brownies
  • grill & sprinkle with parmesan cheese
  • BBQ – brush with chili oil! Yum!
  • Add it to risotto
  • Put it on someone else’s porch (is this kind of like how teens TP each other’s houses?)
  • zucchini hash browns
  • pickled slices
  • whole wheat muffins
  • shred & hide in meatballs and meatloaf
  • steam & toss with mozzarella and fresh basil
  • stir fry noodles
  • give it away and eat ice cream instead